My wife hates it when I pass gas. Help!

Pavlov’s toot

Dear Funny Problems

I’m a Dad and I love my family. We’re a happy-go-lucky bunch and enjoy spending time together. Even though our two boys are in high school, they still like hanging out with their Mom and Dad whether we’re going out to eat, watching movies, going for hikes or playing board games.

I think that one of the reasons why the boys still like hanging out with us is that we make sure that home is always a comfortable, safe space, where everyone can just be themselves and relax. For me and the boys, that “relaxed” state involves an uninhibited approach to the expulsion of bodily gases. Basically, we enjoy farting and belching loudly and confidently. Triumphantly, if you will.

Mom doesn’t like this. She even goes so far as to scold us for being “disrespectful” of her when we let ’em rip. Should we really be expected to run to the bathroom every time we need to break wind?  Because that would be like all the damn time, honestly.

Can you help us to help Mom chill out a little bit and just let it happen? This issue isn’t going to break up our happy home, but it does cause more conflict than it should.

Dealing it and feeling it,

Naturally Nate

Dear Nate

I think I speak for 50% of the population when I say, “Eww.”  The reason why your wife finds it so “disrespectful” is because…farting and burping all the time in front of someone who doesn’t enjoy it is disrespectful.  I know there are lots of men and probably some women too that find these stinky exchanges hysterical and I believe you when you say that you and your boys are a lovable bunch.  But the fact remains, your wife is just not into it.

That said, you’re right, expecting you to run into the bathroom every time you need to pass gas is an unrealistic request.  And I fear that there is little I can say to get you to cut it out of your routine entirely. So, I have a suggestion that could possibly make everyone happy.

Moving forward, when you and your boys express yourself through flatulence I want you to immediately follow it up with a sincere compliment for your wife.  And perhaps over time she will experience a Pavlovian response to your bodily gases and come to associate them with love from the men in her life. Or at the very least, you could make her smile.   

Smell ya later

FP