My neighbor keeps throwing his dog’s poop in my garbage can. What should I do?

Dog poop happens

Dear Funny Problems,

My husband saw my neighbor put his own dog’s poop in our garbage can. Odd, I know, just put in your own can which is less than 10 feet away, right? Anyway, I didn’t care – I put plenty of my kids’ diapers in there so it’s not like the cans smell nice. However, my husband was very annoyed. He went so far as to put a note on our garbage can sarcastically asking for the perpetrator not to use our can for poop disposal. I was embarrassed but again, didn’t care that much about the whole situation. The poop stopped – note was taken down – problem solved — But the dog poop is back. My husband wants to confront the neighbor even though he’s not sure he is the one doing it this time. I say no. What do I do?

Emily

Dear Emily

This problem stinks.  I know it’s a garbage can and it doesn’t smell nice anyway, but it’s gross and it’s rude and they shouldn’t be doing it.  Now it sounds like your husband’s note did the trick last time, and I say, if it aint broke put the note back on the can.  I also understand why your husband thinks it might be the same neighbor as before, I can’t help but think the same thing myself.  But I do agree with you, if you’re not entirely sure it is the same poop-perpetrator or “poopetrator” it could be awkward if you confront the wrong person. So this is what I think you should do:

Remember how the Great Gatsby would throw elaborate parties and invite legions of strangers just to get the attention of Daisy?  Well in the following scenario, you’re Gatsby, and the poopetrator is your Daisy.

Photocopy a note and put in all of your neighbors mailboxes (including/especially the mailbox of you know who) and share your concern about the dog poop in your can.  Address it to “Neighbors” plural so that no one who reads it assumes you are speaking directly to them.  Make this letter short and kind.  Emphasis on kind. Nothing has the potential to go viral like an angry letter about dog poo written by a madman.  Simply notify your neighbors that this has become a problem so that they may also be on the look-out for foreign canine feces in their own garbage cans. After all this is a legitimate health concern, dog poop attracts rodents.  The poopetrator won’t like all this heat and will be forced to seek out a more suitable resting place for his best friend’s dumps.  

FP