What do you do when someone wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be theirs?

Friends Forever?

Dear Funny Problems,

There is a woman that keeps trying to make plans with her family and mine but I really don’t want to.  I don’t like the way her child and mine play together and I try to keep their contact outside of school to a minimum.  I just feel like I have other friends that I would rather spend time with and I know that the friendship with this woman is going nowhere.  I don’t want to be rude or even too honest with her because our kids will be in school together for a long time and I don’t want this to be awkward.  Is it ok to just pretend to be flakey and hope that she loses interest in being friends?

Forever Flakey


Dear Forever,


Mama drama is no joke and friendships can be a tricky business altogether.  Chemistry plays a big factor in all relationships and sometimes you can’t even pinpoint why a friendship isn’t working, you just know in your gut that it isn’t. I am learning that this is a very common occurrence with adults and friendships.  We don’t have as much free time as we did when we were younger so we are more selective with the people we do spend time with. You shouldn’t feel guilty about this, you can’t help the way you feel. I also agree that you should never be rude or in this case “too honest” with her either.  “Too honest” rings too close to a breakup and this does not need to be dramatic. Be kind and show some compassion. I think that life often plays on a loop and while today you’re sought after, tomorrow you could be the one on the losing end of an unrequited friendship.  With that in mind ask yourself what method of ghosting you would prefer to have done to you and that is the one you should go with.

Would you rather:

  1. Have the person you reached out to not respond back and you figure it out that way?
  2. Have the person you reached out to always be “too busy” to get together and you figure it out that way?
  3. Have the person tell you that they would love to hang out with you and that they’ll get back to you but then they never do?

So which one is it?

PS- You seem cool do you want to hang out with me and my kids sometime?


1 thought on “What do you do when someone wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be theirs?

  1. Dear Forever Flakey: I am sorry to be the party pooper here but did you ask your child if they like to hang out with her child? I know you said you don’t like the way they play together but since they are in school together, can you limit their contact? When your children are young you can influence their out of school time but when they are older, they get to cross the street. Some of my closest friends to this day are the parents of my children’s friends. We might not have ever sought each other out otherwise but we have shared some pretty awesome milestones with our children and have grown great friendships. I am older than some and younger than others by virtue of meeting them with my oldest or youngest children but our common interest, our children, has bonded us. If your child outgrows this friendship, you are safe…if not, you and this woman could be bound for a very long time. Do what you tell your child…”sit with the person sitting alone at the lunch table.” She obviously needs a friend and she has chosen you, a total flake. Go figure.


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