All work and no play make KC a dull boy.
Dear Funny Problems,
I have a moral dilemma. Most of my coworkers look at sick days as extra vacation days. I rarely, if ever call in sick, but am feeling the need to take an extended weekend vacation and I’m out of vacation days! Am I horrible person? Tell me I’m just being irrational. Better yet, call in sick for me!
You seem cool. And you’re in luck, I’m cool too. You want to know what I’m not? 1) I’m not a rat. And 2) I’m not HR. That said, I don’t want to advise you to lie. I know all your coworkers do, but it’s not their soul I’m trying to save, it’s yours. And telling a fib will bring on funky karma for you and I’ll have to pay my own karmic debt for telling you to do it. And aint nobody got time for that. But I want you to be happy. And I want you to go on this mini holiday.
If your plan is to call in “sick” that morning, my advice is to skip the sick part, but instead I want you to call in “vague.” Lots of sighing…lots of long pauses…lots of confusion on your boss’ end. If you’re not making her feel weird…then you’re doing it wrong.
It’s going to sound a little something like this:
KC – (sigh) Ugh. Hi boss. It’s me.
Boss – Hi KC. Is everything alright?
KC – Ummm. (sigh) yessss…but I won’t be coming in today. (pause) Ugh.
Boss – Oh no. I hope everything is ok. Are you sick?
KC – (pause) No…I mean. No I’m not sick. I’m just. (pause) I just can’t come in today. I can (pause) stay late next week. I just (sigh) (pause) It’s just not possible for me to come in today, ok?
Boss – Of course. Well…please take care of yourself.
KC- Ugh. (pause) Thank you.
But if this is all too much for you, just tell her you have diarrhea. Nobody asks questions when you tell them you have diarrhea.