How can I get my son to stop saying “fart?”

The other F word

Dear Funny Problems,

My problem is that I can’t get my oldest son (who is 5 years old) to stop saying the word “fart.”  He thinks that the word is hilarious and because he loves to entertain a crowd,  he uses it to get laughs.  And given his typical audience… “fart” usually delivers.  And when he combines saying it with doing it… I mean forget it.  I obviously don’t want him using that language all the time at this age.  What is the best way to get him to stop?    Thanks. -Trey McDougal


Dear Mr. McDougal

As soon as I caught wind of your submission I put my foot on the gas.  As a mother to young children I know all about potty talk, and I agree, it stinks.  Realistically, cutting it out of his diet completely seems like a naive endeavour.  I know plenty of adults (men and women) who still find fart jokes pretty funny.  And let’s face it, they’re not ALL bad.  That said, you do need to reel him in.  He could get in trouble at school and most of my disciplining is done so that that very thing doesn’t happen.  Why don’t you encourage him to be a little more discreet?  Tell him not to do it but more than that tell him he could get in trouble.  Real trouble.  With adults.  Real adults.  Adults that aren’t his parents.  Like his teacher or his friend’s mom.  And to a five year old there is nothing scarier than getting in trouble with your friend’s mom.

PS. When I was growing up we all felt very strongly that whoever smelt it, dealt it.  You’re so obsessed with your kid farting. 

I’m just saying.  



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